homeland reunion.

getting back
into the wrong crowd,
getting out
of your comfort zone.
getting up
in the wrong bed,
getting back
to who you were
before.

ocean eyes.

the memories
bring out
the tide,
the messages
bring it back in.
unstable
for a night,
but know
you're in
the right.

goodbye, forever it seems.

breaking up,
breaking out
of that
box and
on my way
to a
breakthrough.

interior monologue of a 13 year old girl looking forward to a party straight after school.

"If I don't go home that means I can't feed the dog who may not starve but will probably bite me when I get home like the time when we left her at home for a week by herself and she didn't know where we went because she's a dog right and doesn't understand the word vacation yet not that we're going to go on a lot more we don't have that much money since dad lost his job at the factory last month so now we've just been eating a lot of cabbage soup lately like Charlie from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory only he was always really poor and we are as my mom says temporarily poor but don't you go around using the word poor we don't wear smelly rags like Grandpa the dog will at least be really mad that she had to wait a couple of hours for her food she's pretty fat though so maybe this will be good for her an extreme diet no maybe just a one day diet extreme diets are never good Auntie Mary went on one that one time when she was really huge and now she's just floppy like a deflated balloon I bet she can wrap her skin around her arms three or four times oh god I hope I don't get like that from the cabbage soup no I won't I'll be sure to eat lots of food tonight at the party the guilt of it won't be as bad as the one time I broke the lamp and Uncle Jake and Auntie Mary yelled at my cousin Chris for breaking it I guess but I disowned him from being my cousin when I was five because he ripped the head off of my favourite barbie doll and oh I was so freaking mad I stomped right up to him and told him straight to his face that he was not allowed to be my cousin anymore but the lamp was worse and I got him back good because I blamed him for breaking it and he practically did anyways because he distracted me with some stupid joke when I was running to go grab the phone it could have been one of my friends and plop crash went the lamp only I was older so when Auntie Mary and Uncle Jack asked me what happened they believed my fake story I hate how older people aways trust the person closest to their own age it's really unfair but oh well I used it that one time I wonder what there will be to eat at the party there better not be any cabbage but probably not Sarah is a fancy girl I have heard I can't believe that she would invite someone as plain as me to her party but there again everyone is invited so I would be wondering the opposite if she didn't invite me because even the grossest kid in class is invited but I overheard Sarah whispering to Brittany that her mom made her invite him and she hopes that he can't make it I hope she did't say that about me too I wonder if I smell okay I tried to put together a decent outfit free of dog hair but not too nice you can't look better than the birthday girl I probably couldn't if I tried but one day i'll show everyone that I can be pretty too oh no what if there's drinking there I never thought of that I don't drink my parents told me not to touch the stuff because Grandpa did and then he never stopped touching it it gives you sticky fingers says mom and makes you wrinkly Aunt Mary better not drink any what's worse then being floppy is being floppy and wrinkly the dog food smells anyways I couldn't touch it I's stink of it all night and then no boys would come near me like that one time when I went to my mom friends' wedding and I wore the dress I am wearing right now oh no what if it's unlucky I hope that no boys came near me that night because I just smelled like dog food because I had to feed the dog before we went because she was hungry and when I was 10 I didn't have any friends and thought that my only hope was the animal kingdom so that year Santa who reminded me of Grandpa because he had the same teetering walk and sour breath that dad had when he came home on new years eve last year and mom yelled at him so much I think the neighbours heard I was so embarrassed but I just went back to bed with my dog she wasn't fat back then and I wasn't either because we went on lots of walkies together but then I got lazy and stopped taking her so she got lazy and stopped liking them but now I'm not fat anymore on account of the cabbage soup so maybe after tonight she will have lost some weight too."

update #1

i have decided to start these updates.
they are not poetry, but you can see them as such if you like.

- project two (rock batches) will be continued soon, i have lost my partner so all projects are now solo.
- i will be starting project one again also by myself.
- i have started writing again - this is good.
- i have ditched scorpion, i don't need her anymore. it's all sweet strawbereeze here on out.
- i have posted some of my works on a children's website with virtual pets in the chat boards section.
- i have been drinking more than my body would like, trying to catch up.

adieu friends.

i'm getting better.

it's been 

rough

for five days,

6 days, 

maybe even seven days.

i don't know,

most were spent in 

a drunken haze.

i didn't know

who i was;

am,

or where my 

mind

was taking me.

sorting out

my tangled brain

is almost as hard

as sorting out

my tangled hair.

but you have to

keep sorting,

because it's best

to just break

one thing

at a time.

underneath it all.

under a bridge,
under the influence,
under age.
under the smoke of a campfire
and
under the sky's night light.

under five sweaters but
still
under dressed
and noticibly
under fed,
under close scrutiny.

under the grade average
and under the rent's small radar,
yet
underneath friends arms;
never been happier.

'it's okay' is false cheer.

i said never mind,
for the hundredth time.
never
mind.
it was starting to feel
natural
to make those words
echo
from my mouth.
you don't even have to
think about
what else was going
to come out from
my mouth.
my mind,
my thoughts,
they probably mean
nothing
to you,
or anybody else.
so go on
ignoring
me
like everybody else.

close to done, and yet to begin.

standing
squatting
sitting
staring
stirring
starting
to think
that i can't
write poetry.